my name's blurryface & i care what you think

+ i nearly promised that i would do a photo drop at least sometime soon but i can't seem to find the motivation to do so. instead, please enjoy these random {and kinda creepy} shots from an impromptu photo shoot my sister and i held in the hallway of our dorm a couple of weeks ago @ college.
+ twenty one pilots is on full rotation in my cranium. #can'tstop #won'tstop (#shouldstop?)
+ this is kind of odd but that last photo of me actually resembles my grandfather a bit. huh.
+ camp in something like six days. which i am most definitely NOT ready for.
+ my mom made chocolate chip cookies & now we're going to watch a movie.
+ i still have so many posts & stories & photos to share from college; i really hope i can get to them.
+ if you can't tell i'm obsessed with using these: &&&&&&&&&&&.
+ i did a thing & made a music blog.

i'd like to live in london

It's my own fault.

I've been obsessively (because that's the only way I do things) listening to these online acoustic sessions with British artists. These beautiful people grab their beat-up classical guitars and stand in parks as birds chirp overhead and sing songs that rip themselves out of their chests, painful and personal. I know I don't have to be in England to be inspired or experience art, but lately I've been itching to get out of the country. Or at the very least explore my own. I'm getting a little restless with the same place, the same state, the same town. Reading travel blogs doesn't help. I never thought I would be a wanderer but I'm proving myself wrong.

#threeblogposts
#inoneday
#guessi'mbackinthegroove

greatness is just out of your grasp

the most terrifying and thrilling thought is that halfway across the world is a band that would be your absolute favorite, but that you'll never hear of because they'll never play shows bigger than someone's basement.

when your eyeliner gets all smudgy & you can't muster a smile

Some days I feel like all I ever do is fail. I don't eat the right foods, I move too fast and make mistakes, my words are never comforting or consoling enough for someone in need. And then I accidentally step on ants and feel like a horrible, hellish person.

Oh, wait:

"Those who look to Him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame." ~ Psalm 34:5

I don't remember if I've shared that verse recently with you but it's so good that I really don't care. 

I have these thoughts so often I ought:

-- I'm never going to stop being your best friend. Even if we have careless and callous fights at 1 in the morning. 

-- I really wouldn't mind seeing Pitch Perfect 2 and pretending I'm 14 again.

-- Yeah, to be 14 again would kind of be the bomb. I wouldn't mind feeling gawky and uncomfortable at lunchtime, or sitting in pre-algebra class staring at my crush. We never truly realize how good we have it until it's too late. Which means I should just sit back and enjoy the current moment I'm in, because 10 years from now I'm going to cry and wish I had it back. And then 10 years from then. **what the hey**
-- Does Tyler Joseph actually have a great voice or are his lyrics so grand that they make him seem like a better singer? Hmm.
-- If I don't watch a movie tonight then I'll be Breaking Saturday Tradition and Disappointing Myself Greatly.
-- I need to play the banjo sometime soon.
-- I debated putting a picture with this but that's just not my style right now.

#CommentGame No.2: 

If you were a superhero, which {already existing} hero would you be and how would you save the townspeople with finesse and style?  

gangsters don't cry therefore therefore i

hey, hi. here are some things i like right now:

- soup & bread. bread & soup.
- a black t-shirt that i found in a box in the lobby at my college that makes me feel cozy on days that are this one.
- not caring that that last sentence hardly carried an ounce of grammatical sense.
- or the one after it, either.
- really, who needs grammar?
- also: salads.
- the possibility of a chill Saturday looming on the horizon.
- your face.
- this verse cuz it makes me feel like a boss and anything is possible cuz it IS:

"They have greatly oppressed me from my youth, but they have not gained the victory over me." ~ Psalm 129:2

- my guitar.
- this Blurryface album that has me feeling like an ecstatic seventh grader raising her pop-emo flag for the very first time and shouting to the villagers, "CAN YOU SAVE MY HEAVYDIRTYSOUL?"
- the fact that Stephanie Freakin' Meyer was so bold and brash in her delivery of Twilight that this sentence still sticks in my mind like mental peanut butter i can't unclog:

"About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him - and I didn't know how potent that part might be - that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him."

if you actually read this be a boss and tell me the name of your favorite band in the seventh grade. because that's the real deal and i'm tired of all the boring #commentgame i see and participate in amongst other blogs.

can You save my heavydirtysoul

please excuse my dear aunt GRAINYFACE.

Do you know when you're having the worst day ever with indecision and insecurity and a super twitchy right eye that seems to wig out no matter how you try to calm it with your contact solution? And then you and your sister flee the house and go on a random adventure of glory, including (but not limited to) buying the current ALBUM OF A LIFETIME, going to the bookstore, consuming The Best Salad In The Galaxy, watching a sunset of sorts and almost getting propositioned by a very happy waiter in the tightest pair of blue jeans known to man? Or is that just me?

Whatta Thursday.

ode to summer

In an effort to distract myself from writing the mushy & nostalgic posts about the end of Bible college that are welling up inside of me (documenting my year at the Bible Institute was this blog's original purpose), and in an attempt to create new content on this increasingly random webpage of mine, I bring you Tunes Tuesday. #tellyourfriends #runonsentence #hashtag

I'm probably more music-obsessed than I let on in this corner of the Internet, so I figured it might be time to update y'all every now and then with what I've been listening to lately. Right now I'm really into the 500 Days of Summer soundtrack. It features tunes from old school acts such as Simon & Garfunkel and The Smiths (♥) to newer acts like The Temper Trap, and even includes an emotional French song. I would highly encourage you to listen to the entire album on Spotify, but if you only have a few spare moments, check out my favorite songs here and here. Happy listening!

bloggy blog

I promise that I really, really want to blog and that I actually have quite a thousand things to say, and that I even have some photos to share, but I am so exhausted from college that my break really needs to center on sleep right now. Maybe I'll post tomorrow! I long to do artsy things again. In the mean time, enjoy this pleasantly awkward photograph of my friend Kyle. #theglory #lowropes #campiscoming

a year from now, we'll all be gone; our friends will all move away

I wanted to make this big emotional post about how today is the last day of school, and go through and reflect on the best and hardest moments of this freakin' crazy year, but instead I'm listening to this song on repeat and seeking solace in this run-on sentence. #copingmechanism

he never made me sing to myself

"you're singing."

"what?"

"you're singing to yourself."

"was i?"

this post started out very negative but i rewrote it twice to take joy in the day

Reasons to take pride in today include Bill Murray shirts, last days in the dorm, friendship, spontaneous picnic in the park, Psalm 139, a two mile run, Punk Goes Pop, Jesus Christ, afternoon naps, oatmeal creme pies, amazing last Romans class, spray painting galaxy T-shirts with my Unit, nature and Galatians 2:20.

sunday funday

Timing is so weird.

My sister and cousin and I were super excited about going to this little bakery after church for a bite. We sat in our high-cielinged church, worshiping at our last Sunday service while here at Bible college. (Only four days left!) Afterwards, the congregation emptied out of the wooden paneled building, souls leaving pews, stepping into the white-hot light of the summer sun.

We drove to that little bakery with eyes bright and hopes high, only to find that a note had been posted on its door:

Summer Schedule: Closed on Sundays.

To say the least, we were disheartened. What were we supposed to do now? We had hyped these plans up like whoa, son. But after a little discussion, we decided to just drive around the quaint little neighborhood our church is nestled in and hopefully stumble upon a local cafe to replace the bakery.

Well, stumble we did.

It's crazy how God knows everything, has everything predestined and woven into a plan that we can't see coming. This place that we "chanced" upon was divine. It was an even grander cafe with big porch windows and lights strung up inside and full of musical references. I mean, it even had a piano, folks. There were guitars and banjos and a mandolin hung up on the wall, along with blue monochrome paintings of musicians that the owner had made herself. It was wonderful; just what we needed: the perfect unexpected Sunday adventure.

Also, we ate the best sandwich known to man.
With pesto.
PESTO

File this one under #FreakinAwesomeDay.

we are works of art more beautifully crafted than the celestial bodies

God's taking me full circle with this insecurity thing. He's showing me that we ALL struggle with feeling inferior, no matter what we look like, or how talented/smart/rich/whatever we are. Worth can only be found in Christ. He made the stars, my friends, green pastures, and me. And all of these things are beautiful. 

i like turtles but love these people so much

Today was just a really great day. You will notice that the above pictures feature a rather handsome {although ticked off} tortoise of sorts. Well, he is the mascot of today. I have much to blog about, and much to rejoice over. Expect many photographs of friends and little joys to - Lord willing - pop over the #blog in the next couple of days. It's been an epic bit of 24 hours, a Friday I won't soon forget. I can't believe in only a week I will be back home for two whole weeks before summer camp. It's kind of devastating. But also wonderful, since the Lord has ordained it. 

Lots to say, but much life to live. 

Catch ya on the flip side, friend.

i've been thinking too much

i wanted to write something spiffy here for you all;
artful, even --
but this will have to suffice.

i ate a burger instead of a salad & i can't let it go

Not my photo.

Why do we spend so much time wishing we were someone else? Why do we constantly size up our arms and legs and talents and hair colors and eye shapes and academic ability and compare it against the measure of someone else's, as if they had somehow achieved the magical standard of perfection? As if they weren't struggling in some other area unbeknownst to us?

There is only one perfect Person, and He was humble and lowly in heart. Jesus did not make a spectacle of Himself. If He was alive today, He wouldn't have a huge following on Instagram, and He probably wouldn't have a blog. I feel as if my Lord would be out in the real world, getting His hands dirty in ministry and serving people with a smile.

I think the bigger question here is why am I spending so much time wishing I could be like someone else, instead of letting the Lord make me into someone more like Jesus?

conversations

I've had fine little conversations with fine little friends today, and a fine little walk at the end of the day. Almost finished with my school's yearbook which means SLEEP and songwriting and letter penning and field walking at night. And maybe a picnic and maybe a phone call and perhaps some time alone with the Lord.

Saturday can't come soon enough.

life update

God is good and answers prayer.
I can't stop listening to twenty one pilots.
Sleep is so, so crucial.
I'm hungry.
Keep it righteous.

stressed out

Howling ghosts, they reappear
In mountains that are stacked with fear
But You're a king, and I'm a lionheart.

i'll send you my smile in a letter

It's weird, coming home from college.

I don't feel quite at home in my dorm, nor do I feel completely like I belong in my house, in my hometown. There's this third location that's lingering in my mind -- I keep picturing myself alone, independent, walking the streets downtown, in St. Augustine, or in Paris. Some place that is artful and that inspires me, where I can buy fresh vegetables and take in the softest, bluest sky. Some place where I can stroll under lights. Some place where I can be endlessly inspired. Some place I can eventually share with you.

all of my lines and phrases come to life in your eyes

This photograph describes my novel so well. So does Radical Face's "The Branches" album. It's amazing how God's art (people) make art of their own, and then inspire still other people's art! I'm like three layers deep in this inspiration process, and it just keeps going from there. #awesomesauce #italklikeathirdgrader #eh #whatever #hashtaggame #hashbrowns

i walk with others in me yearnin' to get out

I miss the streets of St. Augustine.

The city has always had a special place in my heart because it's where my parents got married, the town they eloped to when they were a young couple. My family and I make it a point to get back there every now and then in our vacations. My feet were on the cobblestone streets just five months ago, but I could already go back and enjoy it immensely.

It's weird, longing for a place.
These days I find myself homesick for certain locations more than ever.

"I used to think it was mere homesickness, then I started getting it at home." ~ John Lennon