One *MASSIVE* struggle that no one prepared me for is the sheer amount of spiritual warfare there is at a Bible Institute. Seriously. I step into class and so begins another day of trying to ward off lies as I learn more about God's Word.
For the past two weeks, I've been battling some pretty debilitating doubts. Christ is the center of my life and well-being, the Rock to which I run, and the basis for my entire mental sanity. So naturally the devil has been trying to distort the fact of His deity in my mind. This week has featured such qualm-inducing queries as: "Is God even real?" "Am I really saved?" "Did Jesus actually live and breathe and then die and rise again three days later?" I chew on these ideas for a while and wonder how I'm supposed to do ministry and write blog posts and pour into younger girls' lives when I'm not sure of Christ myself.
This was my prayer this morning:
"Send forth Your light and Your truth, let them guide me; let them bring me to Your holy mountain, to the place where You dwell." ~ Psalm 43:3
I learned today in my theology textbook about the reason, rather, the person behind all of this spiritual opposition: Satan. The devil clouds our minds so we'll focus on the present, not the eternities of ourselves and everyone around us. Instead, he wants us to stay our hearts on our own inadequacies, problems, pains....or even all of the good things that ultimately pale in comparison to knowing Christ.
So, it's been a rough couple of weeks, not just for me but for a lot of people here at my college. Opposition is real. Spiritual warfare is a thing, yo. But even in my doubting, Christ is reminding me that He is never a voice of confusion, but instead one of constant clarity and comfort.
"For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, of love and of a sound mind." ~ 2nd Timothy 1:7
I can believe what the Word of God says. I can pray despite feeling far away from Him. I can look back at my life and clearly see His hand guiding me. And hey, if I have doubts and struggles and confusions, then it can only mean one thing: God is making me useful, so Satan wants to take me out.
"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us." ~ Romans 5:3-5
:) :)
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