I have sat at my computer trying to type this blog post for virtually thirty minutes. Usually when I'm struggling to write, it's because I'm drained of words, and am just trying to force myself to type. But right now, I have too much to say. I'm accumulating posts upon posts in my drafts section, each one full of emotion and nostalgia because of the inevitable: change.
Everything is changing for me right now: best friends are getting in relationships, others are getting married, or pregnant. I'm leaving to work at my Bible college's summer camp in only eight short days. Life is on the move, and I have no choice but to go with it.
I am the same girl who broke down in tears in the third grade when I came home to discover my mother had switched out my comforters for new bedding. (The nerve!) I can laugh at it now, but I was really upset back then. From an early age, I have regarded "change" as something horrible.
Now, everything is going to change. And I accept it, and think that it's going to be great and wonderful. In fact, I've been praying that I would be bold, excited and downright joyful during this new time of change. After all, life is constantly on the move. I can't avoid that.
Last night, I hung out with my best church friends again, really my best friends anywhere, and it occurred to me that I'm coming to the end of an era, the end of an age. My time with them may not be over forever, but hanging out after church as we've done for the past seven years is. I'm leaving. And that's hard for me to accept.
I thank God that He does not change, and provides places of refuge for me. This morning I ran in the park, and then sat down on the roots of my favorite tree, the one that will still be there when I get back, unmoved. I prayed and asked for wisdom and He led me to Psalm 27.
Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. ~ Psalm 27:14
God is my consistent Rock to whom I can always go. I'm grateful that He does not change, even when everything around me is.
This post was a whole lot heavier than it could have been, and I promise I'm finding joy in the little things, despite all that is going to change around me: a breakfast at a bear-themed restaurant; hearing Billy Joel's "Piano Man" in the aisles of Home Depot; a delicious bowl of cereal this morning.
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Go with grace.